Metaphors, similes, analogies and sayings

As the English language has developed, certain phrases have become common currency. There, that was a metaphor without me even trying. It's not really a currency is it? You can't buy anything with words. But you can buy time. Although only metaphorically, of course.

So yes, phrases and sayings, metaphors and similes abound. These are useful as it means we don't repeat the same words over and over again and can add a bit of colour to conversations and writing. And there's another one, a metaphorical use of the word colour. I literally can't help myself. Which is a shame because apparently God helps those that helps themselves. I've always wondered if that applied to buffets. If I help myself to the sausages on sticks and barbecue chicken wings, will God help me? And if so, why?

But I digress.The problem is though, that with so many familiar sayings flying about, some of us are bound to get them muddled up or just make them up without even realising it.

In the heat of the moment it's easy to lose track of your own thoughts. This one was overheard on American radio.

"On a scale of one to ten, this is a disaster."

Some people just mix words together that might initially sound right but don't pass mustard under scrutiny. (And if you don't get that, I can't be bothered to explain it to you.)

"She took to it like a fish out of water."

"There was every colour under the rainbow."

"He's as calm as cucumber."

Sometimes it's good to be inventive. Indeed, at school when children are taught about similes and analogies they're sometimes asked to come up with their own ones to show they've understood the principle. Here are a few of my favourites from an email I received many years ago. I know, I'm weird like that, but it's worth it, trust me.

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

You can't argue with it but it's not quite poetry is it?

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

I can just imagine the author of this gem thinking, 'Shit, I need to put a simile in here somewhere! Now where can I put it?'

And then there's this one, which is so good it might just be apocryphal.

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

I'll leave you with my favourite simile of recent times. I'm having to paraphrase because I can't find it now but you'll get the gist I'm sure.

"... which is as impressive as a simile I've haven't written yet ."

Ariane, I salute you.