Telling it like it isn't

I love euphemisms. Well, those used for comedy effect. I don't mean things like this.

I'm sure we've all seen someone we like and been keen to have a 'tongue in cheek conversation at point blank range' with them. Then maybe if that didn't work out, got a bit 'tired and emotional' and perhaps had a 'reversal of fortune' on the 'porcelain telephone to god'. These are all good.

But even better are accidental ones, where people are just trying to be polite. As anyone who knows her will testify, there are very few people sweeter or more polite than my girlfriend, Ruth. Last summer, we were on holiday in Italy with my parents and my mum was driving the hire car. She was attempting to back out of a parking space but the car wasn't moving and my mum wondered aloud why.

"I don't think you're quite in reverse," said Ruth. Coming from me, this would have sounded/actually been sarcastic but from Ruth you just knew it was her way of gently informing my mum of the problem.

Then just the other day, I got home to find the bathroom light on. My housemate Lucille was in her room and as I wanted to have a shower asked her if she was finished in the bathroom.

"I will be. Once I've had my bath."

'I will be.' How brilliant is that? Has there ever been a more positive, less offensive way of saying 'no'? Short of outright lying, I'm not sure that can be beaten.

If anyone knows of any better euphemisms, I'd love to hear about them.